


Pride, Prejudice and Bloody Upcycling

by colisahotnorthernmess



Category: Find It Fix It Flog It RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Pride and Prejudice References, Romance, Sex on Furniture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 07:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19127779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colisahotnorthernmess/pseuds/colisahotnorthernmess
Summary: Henry ravishes Simon on a Georgian bench chair and, for a split-second, feels like he's Mr. Darcy kissing Elizabeth. A fluffy and mildly raunchy short piece.Simon sprawled himself out on the two-seater, putting his feet up gently on one of the arms - it was quite a fragile, ornate piece - but he knew it would be sanded down and painted, so he didn't worry too much about scuffing it. Besides which, it was the first lie down he'd had in some time. "What do you think?" he looked to Henry."I think..." he began to gaze at Si longingly, "...that you look like a Regency beauty, relaxing in her parlour... in her boudoir... and you're absolutely gorgeous." Henry had to wonder where that had come from; he'd walked straight out of Saving Private Ryan and right into Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.





	Pride, Prejudice and Bloody Upcycling

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this is a work of fiction involving real people written by myself - it is a completely made-up fantasy and is in no way intended to cause offence.

"I haven't decided whether I'm taking a tank yet - you do know that, don't you?" Simon teased Henry as they walked towards the enormous barn.

Henry had prayed that he was joking. He'd never live it down if _Si_ \- who was more at home hammering knackered bits of wood together in his workshop - managed to single-handedly refurbish a bloody _tank_. If he let Gemma loose on it, it could end up turning out bright pink or purple, covered in fluffy zebra-print cushions. Despite all of this, he knew he could be glad of _one_ thing: Simon wasn't angry that he'd brought him to the grounds of an army vehicle enthusiast. When the younger man had spotted a helicopter peeking from behind a hedge - not something they saw often in their line of work - Henry thought that he'd be having a battle on his hands. And a shed where one could _easily_ obtain six-foot-missiles and grenade launchers was surely not the _best_ place to be having one.

"I feel as though I could invade somewhere, standing up here like this - do you know what I mean?" Henry said, climbing the stairs and passing the many tanks and khaki-coloured armoured trucks.

"And there's me thinking that you'd already invaded my heart," Simon told him, with a smug smile.

"You're so sweet, man," Cole clutched his hands to his chest in response. God, Si _must_ have been in a good mood today. Henry was waiting for it all to kick off when Si had realised that there wasn't any furniture here. Or at least that's what Henry _thought_ , until he saw his partner scrambling over piles of junk, trying to reach something which had seriously caught his eye.

"Is that a piece of furniture?" O'Brien cried, pointing at it. And, as they arrived, they realised that it _was_ \- a typical dark wood Georgian double-seat, with fussy fretwork. It was old-fashioned, but that only made it more of a perfect candidate for upcycling. "The least military person we know could have some fun with this - _Gemma_." She would go on to give it the full shabby-chic treatment.

"Is it comfy?" the important question was asked.

Simon sprawled himself out on the two-seater, putting his feet up gently on one of the arms - it was quite a fragile, ornate piece - but he knew it would be sanded down and painted, so he didn't worry too much about scuffing it. Besides which, it was the first lie down he'd had in some time. "What do you think?" he looked to Henry.

"I think..." he began to gaze at Si longingly, "...that you look like a Regency beauty, relaxing in her parlour... in her boudoir... and you're absolutely gorgeous." Henry had to wonder where that had come from; he'd walked straight out of Saving Private Ryan and right into Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. He saw glimmers of a buxom maiden upon the sofa, with heaving breasts spilling out of a vintage gown. Shaking the strange notion from his head, thankfully an image of Simon returned to him - and, perhaps oddly to some - it was an image he preferred. He couldn't help himself from loving the gosh-darned _hell_ out of that handsome Scouser - which was why he'd eventually found the _courage_ to make a move on him, even if it _was_ after a couple of strong ales.

Simon beamed back at him, though slightly embarrassed by the remark. Whilst they'd been seeing one another for quite some time now, it always still shocked the Liverpudlian somewhat to hear Henry come out with things like that. Unlike most men seemed to be - well, at least in O'Brien's opinion - Cole wasn't really shy about being forthcoming with compliments and, regardless of how ever cheesy they were, they never came across as meaningless chat-up lines. His kind comments seldom failed to surprise Simon, but in a wholly pleasant way. However, words aside at the moment, the hungry way that Henry was currently ogling Si was anything but subtle.

"I simply _must_ have you," the bearded man growled, with a grin - and, with that, he leapt onto the bench and on top of Simon. There really wasn't the room aboard the buckling piece of furniture and most certainly _not_ the structural strength needed to take the weight of the pair of them. It creaked with fear.

"Oh," Si was mildly startled, and found himself swooning a little as Henry swooped in and embraced him tightly in his large arms. He quickly came to his senses. "You're going to break it, you big idiot," he chastised him. Lord only _knew_ how the the contraption was still standing.

"Breaking chairs... breaking hearts... that's me all over, baby," he whispered in a husky voice, trying to kiss any part Simon he could - whereas Si was merely trying to wrestle him _off_. It wasn't as if he wanted to  _reject_ his co-host's affections, but he _was_ rather fond of this find and how many other similar items was he likely to find in a place like _this?_ How much upcycling could he do with all of this military metalware?

He soon realised that he would have to relent; the chair was, contrary to his beliefs, managing to hold itself together, and Henry was poised above him, waiting, and bright with enthusiasm. Why fight the inevitable any longer? He threaded fingers through the older presenter's long blonde hair and pulled him into a hard kiss - with eyes closed, as was traditional - with the brief exception of when Si's eyes flew open in alarm as the legs of the furniture made a strained sound once again.

" _Cor_ ," gasped Henry, short-winded from the unexpected kiss. "I feel like _Mr. Darcy_ kissing Elizabeth." And, naturally - still basking in the warm glow following the smooch - Si could do nothing but stare back up at him adoringly. Henry just hoped it was for all the _right_ reasons. "You're not... imagining me as _Colin Firth_ right now, _are_ you?" he suddenly felt the need to add.


End file.
